Dear Guy

Dear guy (I won’t share your name with the interwebs),

I wanted to quickly thank you, and scold you, for our lovely 5 minute walk and chat last Monday evening. After a long day of misery at work, I headed to my car in the same neighborhood I always park except a little later than usual; totally meant to be.

You smiled as I crossed the street, with your beautiful straight-white-teeth-smile, and I wondered, “who is this guy and WHY is he smiling at me?” Your two dogs approached me first and I squinted a bit… “who IS this guy!?”. You were even a bit shorter than me (I was in 4.3in Candie’s wedges) and I’m surprised you still stopped me.

You told me I was beautiful and asked for my name. We shook hands and exchanged names and I pet your dogs. You had beautiful eyes too; like, let’s go halfsies on babies please*?! I was quite flattered.

You then turned around and proceeded to walk with me. We talked about work, where we live, Brooklyn, your dogs, my beauty and my nationality in, what seemed like, the quickest 4-5 minutes ever.

Then you asked for my number because you wanted to “take it to the next level with me” and take me out. I was having one of those brain mush moments when you don’t remember anything anyone is saying and you’re just smiling and nodding, but I think I totally agreed and expressed it verbally.

You saved my number (first AND last name!) and you dialed. For some reason it didn’t go through but I swear it was my number. I swear it. I don’t know if at that moment you might have thought I was playing you with a wrong number but you grabbed my hand, as I said I had to jump in the car and go, and I leaned in and kissed your cheek. You held my hand for a couple of seconds longer as I started walking away.

I said bye to you and your pups and you went along your way.

It’s now a week later and you’ve yet to call or text.

I mean, even BroBible says the 3-day/waiting thing is totally stupid. I don’t get it and I’m sad about it.

Why waste my time? Was your goal simply to make me sooooo happy (like cheesing from ear to ear for 2 hours after) but never get in touch? Or did you really think I gave you the wrong number and you deleted it after I walked away? Maybe you were just practicing your pick-up approach? WHAT HAPPENED?

Maybe you’ll pleasantly surprise me and call or text this week. That’d be cool because you were really handsome and I think we could have fun.

If not, this letter stands as an advisory message to you: don’t run around swooning women like that – there’s something cruel about it.

xo

* H/T to my friend Mandie Robinson for this line; some dude used it on her and she shared it on Facebook last week.