On the 5th day (part 1) of Christmas Suazmo guest blogger, The Hamburger Helper (pen name), gave to me… 3 last-minute gift ideas to win big with your man this holiday.
“Listen, shopping for your man really isn’t that hard and the below can basically apply to any of the typical stereotypes that we Y chromosomes are grouped into, whether it be the sports junkie, nerd, car freak or, well, just freak.
If you haven’t done so already, you (the woman) have more than likely blown a gasket trying to figure out what to get the guy in your life. I for one get hounded all the time about it by the women I’ve worked with — probably a hint that I’m more like ‘one of the girls’ and low on testosterone.
“Hey, what do you think I should get my boyfriend?” “What do you like?”
My responses are usually good if you want to date me or spoon under the covers, but modify them just a bit, and they’ll work for your man too. And sorry to break it to you but you really don’t have much time so I’ve made the ideas below easy to come by!
Check it out…
1) What’s his hobby? Ya know, the thing you can’t stand about him but he loves?
If he’s a sports fan, take a look at AUTHENTIC, customized jerseys. None of that “looks real, but it’s not” crap. I’m talking the stuff worn on the ice, field, in the NASCAR, on the court, etc.
An authentic jersey wrapped under the tree will earn you KILLER points. Sure it will cost you a little more, but the payoff for you will be worthwhile. TRUST ME. You’ll have him eating out of your hands or whatever other dirty deed you like to do.
This doesn’t just apply to sports either – say he’s a STAR WARS fan or LORD OF THE RINGS fan. Look into some pretty sweet memorabilia from that ish! You have NO idea about how much of a BAD ASS MUTHA TRUCKA your man will feel like if he opens up a real (I’m not talking Toys R US plastic kids stuff here either) light saber under the tree! It will spark a romance that would rival the futuristic love-making of Princess Lea and Hans Solo. Yea I said it.
2) Get in the CHOPPA! (said with an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent)
These unbelievably fun pieces of crap have single-handedly gotten cooler over the years. They’re so easy to fly and addictive that it’s not even funny. I DARE ANY GUY to say that they haven’t wanted to rip the controller out of the hands of the Brookstone employee who’s flying the friggin’ thing around showing off to the ladies and senior citizens in the Mall Walkers of America club.
I’m gunna reco those from Brookstone too. They’re decent and you can also pair it up with a warranty that will give him the ability to return and swap it for a new one if it’s damaged – something that WILL happen. It’s a quick and easy gift you can get right now if you wanted and works just for about any dude. You may be like “yea, but it doesn’t really MEAN anything” — and I’d be like “Yea, so?” He’s gunna like it – period.
3) Good old-fashioned sexy time
I would not be doing my fellow-men due diligence if I didn’t put this in the list. Fornication Under Consent of the King (urban dictionary it) is always a welcomed way to say Happy Holidays.
You can get creative too – remember when we were kids and we’d create a coupon book for our parents that had stuff in it like ‘REDEEM FOR TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE’, ‘REDEEM FOR CLEANING MY ROOM’, ‘REDEEM FOR WASHING THE DISHES’?
I’m telling you – if you do that for your man, but get a little creative (WINK WINK), he’ll go nuts. Best part for you is that it’s essentially FREE and you can put expiration dates on them and make sure there are rules like ‘ONE PER CUSTOMER AND TRANSACTION’ …. unless you don’t want to. Print it out… wrap it in a BIG box to make him think he got a big ‘toy’ …. put it in his stocking …. whatever.
I’m going to end with something that you really don’t want to do, and that’s be PREDICTABLE. If you want to keep it spicy, keep him guessing! If you’re married or have been together for a while, then sure, predictability is awesome, but if you’re young, full of passion and are looking for a 2-point conversion come the holidays, read the above and give it some thought (ESPECIALLY # 3).”
Note from Suazmo: stay tuned for Part 2 to the 5th Day of Christmas later today… last minute gift ideas for the ladies!