Highly Achievable Resolutions

This would have been better advice pre-New Years while we were all making our lists of 2013 resolutions, but as we all know we’ve already failed and disappointed ourselves by creating such ambitious resolutions on that list.

Kudos to those that haven’t. The rest of us losers though are now in a rut where we’re all like, “I can still do this… let me just dial it back a bit so it’s more of an achievable goal.”

If this is where you are in the New Years Resolutions “game” then let me, and Esquire, help you out.

Here are some of their “Highly Achievable Resolutions” that you can actually DO from the Jan/2013 issue. They will help you not “make it so easy to disappoint yourself,” again, this year. Here are just some of my favorites:

  • Try not to eat anything that has additional food inside the crust.
  • Don’t be overtly racist.
  • Stop being bitter about Lena Dunham and check out the new season of Girls.
  • Chew your food two times more per mouthful.
  • When spitting on the street, try to do it in a storm drain.
  • Refrain from reading any news stories about Michael or Dina Lohan.
  • Join a gym. (I’m not saying go. Just join.)
  • Stop searching on WebMD every time you get a headache and concluding that you have rubella.
  • Support our soldiers: Steer clear of GI Joe: Retaliation (out in March) and instead give your ten dollars to Homes for Our Troops.
  • If you are going up only one flight, take the stairs, unless the elevator is right there with the doors open.
  • Forgive yourself sometimes.
  • Not counting beer, don’t drink alcohol directly from the bottle.
  • Learn a foreign language — or at least how to mimic Sofia Vergara’s accent.

Tell me these aren’t easier than, for example,
“lose 100 lbs in 8 months” or “stop using F* bombs”…I mean those are REALLY hard. It’s all about practicing willpower and self-discipline which isn’t easy to just pick up or buy at the life store – sorry that was cheesy. Start small! After all, slow and steady wins the race.

See the rest of the easy resolutions on Esquire here.

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