So I’ve Been 30 for 7 Months

I’ve always thought I was an older, more mature soul … with some minor selfish, reckless moments in my twenties (who doesn’t have them), but overall… mature and old-soul-ish. Back in June I turned 30 though and I have to say… I feel totally over-the-hill.

All the things my older friends in their thirties told me about “turning 30” and “life in your thirties”, are so true and here are three examples of my shorter-patience 30-year-old brain/things 20-something-Suazo would have never said:

1. I’d like to rent or buy a townhouse like… ASAP.

I no longer want to share more than 1 (side) wall with a stranger because I don’t want to hear their life and, honestly, I don’t want them hearing mine… especially when theirs is more exciting than mine! No, I don’t want to hear your dog… because I can’t have a dog. No, I don’t want to hear your clunky heels and pregame/walking out song… because I’m not going out tonight.


I want an open concept shower and I never want to buy a friggin plastic shower curtain again. Apparently, although it has “confounded scientists for years“, there’s a theory for why the shower curtain blows in when you’re in the shower and it’s called the “Bernoulli Principle”.

One of the most popular theories explaining the shower-curtain effect is Bernoulli’s principle. Bernoulli’s principle states that as a fluid’s velocity increases, pressure decreases. Fast-moving water flowing from the shower head creates a low-pressure area, and the higher-pressure air outside the shower presses the curtain against you in its endeavor for equilibrium.

Whatever. All I know is that my shower space reduced in size with my move to the Midwest and it’s a daily struggle of #CurtainCling. ScrappyGeeks says I just need to invest in my shower liner … everyone’s big mistake (if this happens to you too) is being cheap and buying the thin shitty liners?! We’ll see about that.

3. I want as little troubles as possible.

  • No, I will not wait for you to randomly select my seat that will inevitably be a middle seat, airline.
  • Yes, I will buy multiple bottles of wine during the week to ensure I have enough through the weekend because I don’t want to get off my couch over the weekend.
  • Don’t want to text me back or ask me how I’m doing? Boy, bye.

Can I get an amen?


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